When I left Iowa last fall, I threw out my awful kitchen table and chairs. Actually, I set them near a dumpster and they were snatched up by some unfortunate soul who musta been really needy. I knew that when I arrived back here, I'd need to go in search of a new, improved dining table and chairs.
Yesterday was the big day. I started out at Wild Bills, where they sell scratch & dent stuff that's often really quite nice. I was waited on by a charming young black kid will two brilliant rows of golden teeth. Wild Bill didn't have anything appealing, so I decided to move on.
Next stop was Room Makers where upon arrival, I was greeted by a man worse-looking than Newman on Seinfeld. I knew I had to leave when I looked at his face and noticed a freshly picked zit that had been bleeding and then wiped carelessly across the whole cheek. Nothing worthwhile there in the way of tables, so it was again time to get the hell out.
I went back downtown to Smulekoff's. Steve and Angel just purchased some giant sectional sofa there and had a glowing report about the nice selection. There was a receptionist who greeted me and when I told her what I was looking for, she kindly directed me to the 3rd and 4th floors of their store. I pushed the button on the slowest elevator in the world and waited. I stepped onto the elevator and realized that there was a nerdy little salesman with a clipboard and a wandering eye escorting me to the tables. How sweet. He hopped on the elevator with me and asked me about the weather outside. We just departed a section of the store that was lined with huge windows to the outside. I pointed them out and laughed at his silly inquiry only to question myself. Perhaps he's a blind furniture salesman, with that bad eye!
Upon arrival on the 4th floor, he pointed me in the direction of some awful, glossy and curvy dark wood tables with 4 and 5 leaves and ornately carved chairs. I asked for lighter colors and cleaner lines and was shown to a new floor of the store. Indeed, there were lighter colors of wood, but this was the section the featured bedroom furniture. I politely looked around for a bit and then asked, "The tables?" "Oh my," replied the nerdy little possibly-blind clipboard man, "I somehow got on bedroom furniture!" Yes, you did. Dork.
We found a few pathetic tables that didn't interest me. I looked at him apologetically and told him I didn't fancy anything in the store. The Brits have such a nice word, I thought I'd borrow it. I got back into my car having only used about 11 minutes of the 30 I'd paid for. It's when I sobbed to myself, "I want ILVA!" Cedar Rapids has so little to offer at a time like this.
Determined to find my table, I went to Pier 1 Imports. "Made in Italy" says the box my table came in. If I could just find my SD card reader, I'd post a picture here. My nifty new Marimekko-style dishes look just super on the new table. It makes me want to cook something! If only I had my pans...